Have you fallen into the Advice Trap?

Coaches learn early in their education to distinguish between coaching and other roles such as leading, managing, mentoring, training, counselling, consulting. Coaches practice deep listening. They ask powerful questions in an environment of support and challenge. Coaches learn early the dangers of advice.

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Advice isn’t just a trap that coaches try to avoid. It is one that leaders and managers should avoid. In some senses this may seem counter-intuitive. To withhold advice may seem unhelpful until one starts to consider the implications of advice and how it may be received. I value deep listening as a core competency of coaching and fully appreciate how unhelpful advice can be. That is why I was pleased to read Michael Bungay Stanier’s new book, The Advice Trap – Be Humble, Stay Curious and Change the Way you Lead Forever.

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The title gives the concept away to a large extent. If we can ‘tame our advice monster’ we choose to be humble and stay curious. The results are powerful. Taming the advice monster is actually becoming a leader with more coach-like characteristics. What is the problem with being an advice monster? Stanier sees it as follows, “In situations when your Advice Monster has seized the moment, and you’re telling others what to do, or you’re saving them from themselves, or you’re keeping control of the situation, the belief that’s behind those reactions is: I’m better than them. I’m faster, or smarter or more experienced or more certain of myself or louder or more creative or more strategic or more right or…”

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It is a confronting thought but worth reflecting on. Some ways to tame your Advice Monster -

• Empathy – a greater sense of what’s real for the other person.
• Mindfulness – a greater sense of what’s real about the situation.
• Humility – a greater sense of what’s real about you.

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By adopting the above you will stay curious longer. As Stanier points out, advice giving has its place but it is usually an over developed muscle. Focus should be on building the underdeveloped muscle of curiosity.

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Curiosity is core to coaching. Adopting some coach-like characteristics can be helpful for leaders.

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Practising deep listening, remaining curious and staying humble gives those you are dealing with great strength. People are indeed experts in their own lives. The implications of a constant urge to advise should be weighed carefully. It is better to listen and ask the right question than drop advice that misses the mark and won’t be appreciated. Taming your Advice Monster also empowers your stakeholders.

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In my coaching, I don’t offer advice, I guide you towards finding answers that are right for you and your career.

Find out more here.